Two days ago, I was in the school hallway with my friend Andrea discussing the hullabaloo a while back when Texas parents successfully demanded from the state legislature the right to continue to bring birthday cupcakes to school (also known, hilariously, as “The Safe Cupcake Amendment”). The two of us, clearly on the same non-cupcake page, just tsked-tsked and shook our heads and asked each other, really, who WERE these parents?
What Andrea didn’t know until now (hi, Andrea!) is that at that precise moment my very own son was hauling to class (in honor of his birthday) a huge box of the greasiest, sugariest donuts you’ve ever seen, one of which was headed directly for the stomach of Andrea’s son, a fellow classmate.
That’s right, people, I’m a big fat hypocrite.
I assured you all on day one that I’m no Food Nazi, but I have to confess that I do get quite edgy when I watch my kids eat donuts. It just drives me up a wall to see a food that is so utterly non-nutritive filling up their stomachs to the exclusion of anything else at breakfast, knowing full well that I’m going to be the beneficiary of an ugly sugar crash a few hours later. (Then again, I’ve certainly been spotted putting away quite a few of these myself over a chickory coffee. See what I mean? Hypocrite!)
So why is it that I allowed my son to bring the donuts? Because I just couldn’t bear to tell him that after a year of partaking of other’s birthday treats, he was going to be the hated kid bringing the bran mufins. But I also hate myself for abandoning my principles, and I hate my school system (or state legislature) for not taking this matter out of parents hands by simply banning these treats altogether.
If a kid has 25 students in his class and there are 180 instructional days, that means about 1/7th of the school year = cupcake (or donut or cookie or ice cream) day. Standing alone that might be no big deal. But when you set it against the backdrop of the incessant snacking and treat-giving to which our kids are exposed, that figure, to me at least, seems excessive.
But given your demonstrated political power, I know you must be out there, you Safe Cupcake supporters. I can hear you muttering that it’s a child’s (and parent’s) right to share a sweet treat on a special day, and what’s my problem. So, pro or anti-cupcake, let me hear what you have to say.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 Bettina Elias Siegel
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Funny, Bettina, I was going to email you later this morning and suggest you blog about this topic.
Today it was my son who hauled the box of sugary donuts to his class, and it was me lamenting yet again this unfortunate tradition. I have tried to get away with not doing it every year, and a few years I have managed when the kids were too young and their teachers too busy to notice.
It’s not that I am against sweets. I just think they should be consumed in moderation, and I don’t feel that I have the option to take my OWN children out for cupcakes or donuts, as I am aware of how much of that stuff they are consuming at school.
And don’t even get me started on the summer-birthday-end-of-school-year sweets bonanza (that I myself just contributed to this morning). I heard last week one day my son’s class had cupcakes TWICE.
Someone make it stop.
I might have added that at our own end-of-year chow down, my son ate cupcakes and cookies followed a bit later by a wholesome snack of M&M’s. And then there’s the candy that’s handed out by teachers during the year as little treats and rewards (this practice is diminishing at our school but not entirely eradicated)!
Clearly there’s more to say on this topic. . . stay tuned.
I think I’m pro-cupcake, but that’s because when I think of the cupcake, I think of what I send when it’s my child’s birthday – and of course, there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?
Who can argue with two-bite brownies from Whole Foods, carefully counted so there’s only one per child? What I’m less comfortable with is what everyone else is bringing and feeding my boys (I’m a snob, I know). For example, we don’t eat HFCS or artificial dyes, and I know that the average birthday treat abounds with both. That creeps me out.
What I’d like is a middle ground – maybe guidelines from the local school that say “you can’t bring 2 donuts for each child, okay?” and then give a list of some reasonable ideas of what you can bring. If you leave it up to each school, then those standards could be more in line with the community the school serves. Or HISD could give general rules, and each school could refine them.
Not an easy question. Who knew cupcakes were so complicated?
Tari – just found out we’re at the same school. We need to meet!
And yes, I feel much the same way — my treats (usually, anyway – yesterday’s donuts being a much-begged–for exception) at least avoid the worst of the worst ingredients. But we have no control over what other parents bring.
Very sticky issue indeed.
Bettina, I agree with you. I’ve heard of schools that celebrate all the birthdays of the month on one day, with one treat (and significantly less time taken away from classroom learning).
It would be far better, I think, to take out the sweets altogether. Kids would hardly suffer for it. I don’t know how teachers can take the constant sugar in the classroom, frankly.
Love the idea of once a month. That would at least reduce cupcake days from 25 to 9.
Ahhhh – so YOU were the source of the glazed donut that sent Zoe into heaven (and then a tailspin). Don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you. : )
She also said that she had 2 cupcakes that day from two other kids who parents brought treats. Fortunately, I got her to eat a healthy dinner with no additional sweets for the day. It is soooooo hard – the pressure is intense. I, too, wish that HISD would ban outside treats, especially since they are now pushing breakfast on the kids. Too much food is too much! You can’t constantly feed kids and then cut P.E. – the results are obvious!
What can we do to take back our cafeterias?
Lins
Oh my. Didn’t know about the additional cupcakes that day. Lovely.
re: the lunch room revolution. Stay tuned to this site. Much more to come on that topic.
Pro cupcake, to a point. I object to the serving size typically offered for birthday treats. For our last birthday celebration at school, we brought 1 large iced cookie and shared it with 30 kids. Heh.
Our school is acually pretty good, I’m happy to say (maybe that’s California for you). The school handbook says that for any all-class treats (vs. your own child’s lunch), “we would like you to only consider treats that have low to no sugar and trans fat content. ” They go on to list suggested treats including yogurt/smoothies, cheese & crackers, fruit, pretzels, veggies & dip and, most Californian of all, veggie sushi. But just when I was thinking that they were totally on top of this I noticed that the list also contains Rice Crispy treats! Really?
As part of the Safe Cupcake crowd I feel we need to have a paradigm shift (nice 80′s term isn’t it). We need to find better ways to celebrate and fund raise as the adults in our kids lives. When it concerns another parent’s kids we all should be aware that their needs and concerns should not be trampled on. Isn’t that just good etiquette? Instead of cupcakes how about a small experience of fun or a token gift of sorts. We spend the time to have the cupcakes how about substitute that time with a guest reader (not just mom or dad) or a magician, clown, balloon blower or whatever. At certain ages something simple like time out with a jump rope can be a real reward. We have to be more creative and we need to share these ideas. Any ideas out there?
As a mother, an attorney, and a libertarian, I can tell you the last thing I want is one more stinking law on the books regulating how I ought to raise my kids.
Personally, I aim to be the kind of mother who speaks with authority and raises children who listen. Asking my legislators to assist me, because I don’t want to be the “mean” parent, seems terribly weak.
Pro-freedom = Pro-cupcake.
P.S. Not that it matters (I’m pro-cupcake either way), but 1/7th is an overstatement. 25% of all birthdays occur over the summer, not to mention weekends.
Thank you for this comment. I’m going to reply to you at length in tomorrow’s post.
Jenny makes a great point. It *is* hard to take your own kid out for a treat when you know they’ve been plied with sweets the livelong day.
I love Dale’s ideas for treat substitutes.
I have two elementary school children, and they attend HISD public Montessori school. The birthday treats, while not mandatory, are suggested to be a small/healthier option. I usually bake cookies (generally ginger chewy cookies–a favorite of my children) and give them to the teacher to be distributed after lunch. The children still get to have something special, but it isn’t a hugely sugary thing. I think some parents do similar things, but there are still those who do the very sugary stuff. Once in a while, as a treat, I have no problem with sugar–everything in moderation should be ok. I’ve been known to down a doughnut or cupcake in short order myself.
I like the suggestion of a monthly birthday celebration keeping it to 10 a school year, rather than 24 or 25!
Thanks for doing the blog. I look forward to reading more.
Sorry, Jenny-Sue, but you’re not a libertarian. I know it might pain you to read this, but a true libertarian would understand that dispensing sugary snacks that you paid for to a room full of people who are in want of said snacks isn’t libertarianism, it’s socialism. True libertarianism mandates that you don’t infringe on other people’s personal freedoms. This is the hallmark of libertarianism. It’s not a movement where you can just do anything you want and claim that you’re a libertarian. And this would extend to feeding other people’s children because you get enjoyment out of feeding yours. So you can label yourself whatever you want (I suppose calling oneself a libertarian is hip these days), but if that’s your definition of libertarianism, then you need another label.
I totally agree with the safe cupcake movement! Everyone in my son’s class celebrate the half b-day and the regular b-day. It is written on the calendar that is in everyone’s folder stating “Johnny’s treats” and the child is expected to bring in the “treats”! It’s so annoying. So, for the half b-day I told my son he could pick a healthy snack. He chose whole wheat bagels, cinnamon swirl bagels and flavored cream cheese (which we bought from the store). All the kids loved it. One kid asked me later if I would bring Panera for snack again. For his regular b-day, I made treat bags for everyone filled with bounce balls, beads, and granola bars. The kids were excited about the beads and bounce balls more than anything else. I hope that other parents see that children are just as excited about non-cupcake items and make a switch. The best thing about non-cupcake items was that the children could play with the ball and wear the beads longer than the time it takes them to gulp down a cupcake!
Tracy: Welcome to The Lunch Tray and thanks for your comment. So many parents have written in about how kids actually often prefer (or are just as excited about) non-sugary treats that I plan to post about that topic and may quote you there. Please continue to visit and share your thoughts! – Bettina (PS: just FYI, in TX, being part of the “safe cupcake” movement means you WANT to keep cupcakes in schools – apparently there were enough parents who felt that way that they prevented the legislature from taking any action that would prevent sugary birthday treats!)
Opps! I am ANTI-CUPCAKE!!
For Sara’s last week of school, she got to have THREE triple-layer cookie cakes, ice cream twice and a popsicle. So disgusting.
I know our school will begin to embrace a “wait a minute…this matters” thought process. In the meantime, I am pretty shocked at the lack of commitment to our children’s nutritional health.
800 years ago Miamonides said:
Let nothing that can be treated with diet be treated by any other means.
Just when did celebrating birthdays at school evolve? It wasn’t around in my school in the 70s.
I am anti-cupcake. Yes, there is something wrong with bringing brownies to class , one for each student. Because of a food allergy, my child has been sent to the hallway while everyone else has enjoyed cupcakes, tried to chisel bites out of the frozen cupcake we kept in a freezer at school when a mom SURPRISE!! came to school with cupcakes for her child’s birthday w/o warning to the school (so no time to thaw), watched classmates eat cupcakes because I didn’t know have a safe cupcake (and by “safe” I mean one that won’t kill him), and watched classmates eat cupcakes because he couldn’t retrieve the frozen cupcake from the school freezer (it was locked and the lunch staff had gone home).
From the logistics point of view as a working mom, it’s not possible to keep up with the rest of you–the other 23 moms who insist their kids have a right to celebrate birthdays at school in a way that infringes on my child’s right to an inclusive education (and his right IS actually guaranteed under federal law–the cupcake thing only applies to Texas, where we no longer live).
I would never feed my child the sweets that I end up feeding him–because Cupcake Queens force my hand. Sure he can watch all his other classmates enjoy sugary goodness while he sits empty-handed (and as I mentioned, this has been done plenty). But then he is left out.
What does my child take to celebrate his birthday? One year it was really cool pens. The child in the class with diabetes was thrilled, because she actually got the same thing as everyone else (she’s another child who was always left out of the cupcake frenzy). Another year we donated a book to the school library.
There are other ways to celebrate our children’s lives and milestones. Relying on food to do so lacks imagination IMHO. Far worse is that it lacks sensitivity to dietary needs of other students and to the rights of parents to decide what their children eat.
Hi, I just found your blog, and wanted to say that there has to be SOMETHING non-sugary that kids would like that is reasonably healthy to bring in for their birthdays… homemade popcorn? I’ve got a toddler right now, and I’m not looking forward to this one. We’ve managed to keep most forms of sugar out of her hands so far, but it’s a tough battle (especially with a grandpa who wants to know why he can’t feed her ice cream when she’s with him one day a week, but I digress…), and I, like you, don’t want my kid to be the ‘bran muffin/carrot sticks’ kid on her birthday when she does start school, but I also don’t want to contribute to her classmates’ potential health problems. Aside from toys (which I can also see becoming a minefield of ‘mine is better than yours’), what do you do?
Linnet: Welcome to The Lunch Tray! Don’t know if you saw the follow-up to this post but if not, here it is: The Birthday Cupcake Debate Heats Up. My plan this spring (when my kids have their birthdays) is to go non-food – some item from the dollar store or Target dollar spot — and get the same thing for everyone, or one thing for boys and one for girls. We’ll see how this goes over! I’ll certainly report back here when the time comes. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment – keep ‘em coming. – Bettina
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