This Sunday’s New York Times Magazine is the Food Issue and, if you’re a print subscriber, I need to apologize in advance for sucking much of the joy out of your Sunday morning. First I shared on TLT the lead magazine story by Nicholas Confessore on school food politics (my companion New York Times Motherlode piece is here) and this morning on TLT’s Facebook page I shared a cool photo spread on kids’ breakfasts around the world. So why not kill your suspense a little further by sharing another Food Issue article, this one from Mark Bittman: “Getting Your Kids to Eat (Or At Least Try) Everything.”
In the piece, Bittman tells us about raising his two daughters, now grown women, to be adventurous, healthy eaters. While his girls did balk at a few foods here and there, Bittman tells us that in general they enthusiastically embraced whatever was coming out of his kitchen — even dishes like salt-grilled mackerel or squid. Bittman says his and his then-wife’s approach to feeding kids was only intuitive at the time, but he now boils down his advice to this:
Parents should purge their cabinets and shopping lists of junk, and they should set and enforce rules on what their children are allowed to eat. I can be even more specific: Teach your kids to snack on carrots and celery and fruit and hummus and guacamole — things made from fruits and vegetables and beans and grains. Offer these things all the time. Make sure breakfast and lunch are made up of items you would eat when you’re feeling good about your diet. Make a real dinner from scratch as often as you can. Worry less about labels like “G.M.O.” and “organic” and “local” and more about whether the food you’re giving your children is real.
Let me say up front that I enthusiastically agree with all Bittman says here. (And I just loved the piece generally for a glimpse into his decidedly unhealthy, non-foodie upbringing, and how that experience played into his approach to feeding his own children.)
But as regular TLT readers know, I’ve also been “blessed” with one child who’s been extraordinarily resistant to eating vegetables ever since he proudly announced, at the tender age of three, “I don’t eat vegetables anymore.” At the time I just laughed but, as it turns out, this kid really meant it. As in: entire years would go by when nary a carrot or pea would cross his little lips, despite my application of various approaches, from the hands-off method I endorse philosophically, to the “For the love of God, just take just one bite!” approach I’d resort to in moments of total despair.
And the thing is, I pretty much followed all the rules Bittman lays out above, from the time my kids were tiny. Not only that, my husband and I are very adventurous eaters, we’ve modeled healthful eating at home every single night, and the vegggie-avoider’s sister, though she certainly has her own clear likes and dislikes, never dug in her heels in quite the same way over vegetables.
My point here is this: just as I had one baby who would drift off to sleep in minutes and another who nearly drove us over the edge with sleep deprivation, I’m really starting to think much of a kid’s approach to new foods may be entirely hardwired. In other words, who’s to say what would’ve happened if Bittman and his wife had a third child? Maybe that child, too, would have tucked into salt-grilled mackerel with gusto — or maybe he or she would have made Bittman and his wife nuts by refusing to eat anything but bananas and buttered pasta.
In this regard, I really liked the blunt honesty of this post by food writer and cookbook author Debbie Koenig, “The Imperfect Family Kitchen.” Koenig’s supposed to be the expert on feeding families, so I respect her all the more for being willing to admit this:
Here’s my confession: Lately, I hate cooking. The frustrations and challenges of coming up with creative, appealing, and easily reproduced meals that my insanely picky kid might deign to eat have sucked all the joy out of my kitchen. That’s why things have been so quiet around here lately. I’m tired, and I don’t have much to crow about.
But now that I’ve thoroughly depressed all of you POTPs (Parents of the Picky) by letting you think it’s a lost cause, allow me to recount an episode that took place in my house just last week.
The veggie-avoider, now twelve, came to me unsolicited to offer a dinner suggestion. He wanted — and I swear, this was the exact request– “portobello mushroom burgers with Gruyere cheese and pesto aioli.” Now, that might sound totally improbable except that, thanks to my friend Sue’s fabulous mushroom tart (which I almost told my kid not to try!), my son realized about a year ago that hey, mushrooms aren’t half-bad. And he now loves the complex flavor of Gruyere cheese from regularly eating this sandwich (thank you, Katie Morford). (As for the “pesto aioli” thing, I have no clue. That must have come from some fancy restaurant menu because it certainly hasn’t ever graced our dinner table before.)
So that’s exactly what I made for dinner and, yes, my son enthusiastically ate every bite. But if you’d told me this story just a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face. The veggie-avoider making an entire meal of a big, black and somewhat scary-looking mushroom? Not gonna happen in this lifetime.
So take heart, POTPs, and also take my advice:
1. Embrace Bittman’s rules, not just because they may help your kids try new foods but because they make sense for all of us trying to eat well.
2. Remember that you know your own kid better than anyone else. So if an expert says the “one-bite” rule is a terrible idea, but you suspect your child would react well to that little push, then go for it. And if another expert says the “one-bite” rule is a terrific idea, but you know it’s only going to ignite an ugly mealtime battle that goes precisely nowhere, then forget it. Your intuition is worth more than the tallest stack of “expert” advice books on picky eating.
3. And finally, most importantly, please take the long view. It took us twelve incredibly frustrating years to get there, but now, apparently, portobello mushroom burgers with Gruyere cheese and pesto aioli are here to stay on this family’s dinner rotation.
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Grace @eatdinner says
Thanks Bettina for another great post on family dinner! I totally agree that you have to take the long view, stay the course and keeping cooking and having family meals. Below is a true story I posted on my FB page in response to Bittman’s article. My “picky” youngest daughter eats many foods that adults would avoid, but her favorite is still mac and cheese. And that’s OK, too; we just don’t have it every night.
True story: last week when the pantry was pretty bare, my husband whipped up a Japanese-style meal with what was on hand. “What’s for dinner?” the teen asked. “Octopus and turnips!” came the reply. “Yum” was her honest answer. And every scrap of the meal was eaten, even by my 9 yr old, who considers herself to seem “picky.” Can’t make that stuff up! http://www.facebook.com/EatDinner
Katherine says
I love this post! You have described my family word and my approaches for word. Except that my non-veg-eater recently asked for “steamed broccoli like Gom makes it.” That would be my mother’s boring, overly cooked, mushy broccoli, which kid had last time we were at their house for dinner. The forced “one-bite” rule with this kid would be grounds for a nuclear standoff; I learned that long ago. She eats a lot of scrambled eggs for dinner, while the rest of us enjoy salmon, salad, etc. Long view. Modeling. Healthy eating and lots of basic home cooking. Persevere.
Sally at Real Mom Nutrition says
Bravo!!! Love this post and your reassuring the realistic take on this. I completely agree that the temperament of a child can play a huge role in how willing they are to try new foods. As a former picky eater myself, I can also attest to the fact that taking the “long view” is absolutely crucial. There were many foods I didn’t try until adulthood that I now love. Again, excellent post!
CarolineSF says
I used to get really ticked off at people who would chirp at me that I should just arrange the veggies on my child’s plate into a smiley face — I viewed the kind of docile, mindless, dull-witted kid who would buy into that as someone who would grow up to be a docile, mindless, dull-witted adult.
That kid stopped being picky in college, though he remained a vegetarian, and he tells me that his issue was hypersensitivity to textures. Not that I recommend this, necessarily, but he connects the cure with pot use.
Laura says
I realize this comment is months old, but I _HATE_ the smiley-face advice. A well-meaning restaurant once served a plate to my oldest that way when he was about three. (Had I known they would do that, I would have asked them not to, because the result was predictable to me….)
Resulting in a total refusal to eat his dinner because he was freaked out and didn’t want to hurt the “guy”.
Mara says
While I do stress at how picky my son is I do try and remember that I was a really picky child and now I love my veggies so I try not to make it an issue and have faith that his palate will mature. Great post.
Brenda @ Meal Planning Magic says
I love this post! While my kids are fairly adventurous in what they will try–and I do think a lot of it is due to repeated exposure from my husband and I eating different things that they become curious–we go through periods where there is not a lot of variation. I’ve written about it before, too. When my son was in Pre-K, I swear I thought he would turn into a peanut butter and honey sandwich he ate those so often and that’s practically ALL he would eat. He is my more selective eater and he’s never had a huge appetite anyway. But I always try to keep the big picture in mind and when I think back to the variety that we have overall, I feel good knowing that over the years we’ve made real progress (and continue to do so) and they still a lot more variety than many of their peers do.
Amy says
I love this post, and I absolutely agree with number 2. The one-bite rule would definitely become a nuclear standoff with one of my boys, as another commenter so eloquently put it, but the other boy needs a little gentle cajoling and then will usually end up eating whatever new (or thing he inexplicably thinks is new even though we’ve had it before) thing we’re trying to get them to eat.
Mimi Vance says
Bettina,
HOORAY! Some good, sensible, reasonable talk about food and kids!
I fully endorse the trust your intuition approach, and I encourage parents in the same way in my classes! “Your intuition is worth more than the tallest stack of “expert” advice books on picky eating.” …and it doesn’t just apply to picky eating!
Thanks again, Bettina, for being a breath of fresh air!
SandraALCF says
Just came across this post and I love it! My 4-yo son is exactly like your son used to be. He’s really picky and if he’s decided he doesn’t want something, nothing’s gonna change his mind. Guess like you said I have to be patient. Hopefully he’ll start eating veggies sooner rather than later. One can only hope…
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