[Ed. Note: Earlier today we talked about what treats we give out on Halloween. Now, a discussion of managing all the candy that comes into your house.]
When my kids were little, dealing with the Halloween candy was easy. I let them eat a fair amount on the night of trick-or-treating, then some more after dinner for the next few nights, and then the rest was relegated to the now-defunct Treat Basket where it was soon forgotten. Everyone was happy.
But now that I have a savvy 8- and 10-year old who have a photographic memory of their respective Halloween inventories, I need to rethink my whole candy philosophy. I recalled that respected kid-and-food expert Ellyn Satter had written on this topic, so I tooled around the Internet to see what I could find. It turns out she has an entire article about Halloween candy on her website and what she wrote was somewhat surprising to me. I think you may be surprised as well. Here’s an excerpt:
Halloween candy presents a learning opportunity. Work toward having your child be able to manage his own stash. For him to learn, you will have to keep your interference to a minimum. When he comes home from trick or treating, let him lay out his booty, gloat over it, sort it and eat as much of it as he wants. Let him do the same the next day. Then have him put it away and relegate it to meal- and snack-time: a couple of small pieces at meals for dessert and as much as he wants for snack time.” [Emphasis mine.]
If he can follow the rules, your child gets to keep control of the stash. Otherwise, you do, on the assumption that as soon as he can manage it, he gets to keep it. Offer milk with the candy, and you have a chance at good nutrition.
. . . . Maintain the structure of meals and sit-down snacks, with parents retaining their leadership role in choosing the rest of the food that goes on the table. With that kind of structure and foundation, candy won’t spoil a child’s diet or make him too fat.
Usually I’m totally on board with Satter’s advice, but I just can’t wrap my head around piles of candy (glass of milk or no) as an afterschool snack. On the other hand, I do have vivid memories of being alone in my room as a child with my big bag of Halloween candy, free to eat it — entirely at will — for weeks after Halloween. (I know! And this is my carob-and-brewer’s-yeast, 1970’s, Prevention-reading mom we’re talking about!)
Whether that was the result of lack of parental oversight or deliberate parental strategy, I have no idea (Mom, if you’re reading, feel free to comment), but I will say this: I was neither overweight nor sugar-crazed as a result, and as an adult, I love candy and eat it often, but I rarely over-indulge. And maybe that wouldn’t be the case if, as a child, my candy had been carefully doled out (or entirely withheld from me). Maybe then it would be such tempting forbidden fruit that I’d go candy-crazy whenever I had the chance.
It’s impossible to say, but I do agree with Satter’s general principle that kids need to learn how to navigate an abundance of sweets, as they will surely encounter it in the real world. I’m just not sure how best to go about accomplishing that.
What do you think, and what do you do with your own kids’ Halloween candy?
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NotCinderell says
Oh, hell to the no! I follow my mother’s rules: 2 or 3 pieces of candy on the night of Halloween, and then one snack-sized candy bar or 2 smaller treats (like caramels or jaw breakers or Jolly Ranchers) after lunch and/or dinner, unless there’s a better dessert on offer that the kid would prefer. Mom and Dad were entitled to share our treats, too. We would end up working our way slowly through the Halloween stash over the course of November and December, and whatever wasn’t eaten by New Year’s was thrown out. At that point, all the good stuff was long gone, anyway.
I like this approach for two reasons. 1. It teaches that treats have a place in our lives. We don’t totally disallow candy or sweets. 2. It teaches that there are proper times, places, and portions for treats, which are after meals (which has been shown scientifically to be the healthiest time to eat a sugary treat), and not in great quantities.
I did go through a small rebellious phase as a high school and college student where I ate more junk food than my mother would have liked, and I’ve been moderately overweight in my lifetime, but I’ve never been obese. (I attribute my overweight more to lack of exercise than poor diet, too.)
Children are often known to binge on sweets until they vomit. Is it really necessary to allow them to go to this point instead of teaching them a healthy way to eat moderately?
Shira says
I agree with NotCinderell. We dole it out slowly, and by the end of a month or two it magically disappears. I also try to steer mine (ages 7 and 10) away from the air heads, mike and ikes, and the like which seem to me to be way worse for your teeth (especially when you only brush for two seconds).
I actually like the fact that they are able to memorize their loot now, as it keeps me honest while they are at school!
Jamie says
We go whole the whole nine on Hallow’s Eve. No curbing of sugar consumption. The interesting thing to me is that kids really can’t eat sugar till they puke (I’ve tested this on many a child).
What’s also interesting to me is the “loot” factor. My son was so much more into collecting crap than eating crap. He was highly invested in spilling his loot and count and sorting than eating. Mind you, he’s only four and I know most here on TLT are dealing with a higher intellect.
We trade the loot in for a well wanted toy (we’re on the Thomas bandwagon, so that’s it for us). Period. You can do this surreptitiously or not. You can send all your loot to many collection spots on-line and they use it to stuff soldiers’ stockings for the holidays. Many dentists take the loot as well for some sort of trade.
NotCinderell says
Maybe you have never seen a kid eat candy till they puke. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
I used to love doing the candy bar inventory, too, even as an older kid.
Bri says
I think the part of the Satter article that I really liked was the quote she had from another expert, something to the effect of “I’ve seen too many parents ruin Halloween for their children by being overly concerned about sugar.” For me, that was a nice reminder of the fact that ALL things have their time and place, and when you allow candy/sugar as a celebratory item, you instill respect and positive association, rather than fear and craving. Michael Pollan says that in a study of word associations, French people shown a picture of chocolate cake said “Celebration!” whereas Americans generally said “Guilt!” Speaks volumes.
NotCinderell says
A fair point. I think that it’s totally possible to convey the importance of moderation without raining on someone’s parade, though. Parents can say, “Whoa, look at all that awesome candy! Let’s eat a little bit now and save the rest for later!”
There’s nothing wrong with deeming a chocolate cake a celebratory item, as long as you eat one piece of it and not the whole cake at a sitting. Same with a bowl of Halloween candy.
Jamie says
Ok…maybe I’m not in the norm here. Maybe my son is too young and I don’t have a handle on things here.
But…like any rule in the home; it’s the rule.
What if you are allowed to collect all the loot. Count it. Sort it. Have fun with it the night OF. And ditch it the next day. However you, as a parent, choose to do this.
This post is getting a little crazy.
Who’s the boss in our homes? Have a tantrum. Freak the hell out that I threw/gave away your candy…but I’m sorry. You got to eat candy the night of…and now you don’t.
We give up all sugar after Halloween. It’s our last hurrah. Sugar feeds on illness like yeast. We hunker down for New England winters with this. We ditch it.
NotCinderell says
I don’t understand either attitude, the one that says it’s okay to go hog wild on sugar one night per year nor the one that forswears it completely for the other 364. I think my main problem with this is that special occasions that call for celebration with sweets don;t just happeb once a year. After Halloween is Thanksgiving with its associated pies. Then comes Christmas which most people associate with homemade cookies and other treats. Then heart-shaped boxes at Valentine’s Day, etc. That’s to say nothing of birthday parties, excursions to the ice cream parlor over the summer, etc. It also assumes that baking cookies or brownies at home for no reason other than that you felt like doing something special is totally off the table at all times.
Nobody’s suggesting that we allow our children to boss us around, but similarly, I don’t want to rob my children’s childhood of joy because I adopt a strict anti-suar policy. Sugar is always going to be there. What’s a healthier way to approach this? To say you can’t eat any sugar except for the one night a year when you totally binge? Or to say that it’s there, you know what proper portions look like, have a little bit, and accept it as part of what makes life enjoyable?
Jamie says
You know what? What works for you, works for you and your family.
For us: thus far, this works. I’m amiable to change as my child and my views do.
You are right. My view seems binge-y and not right. However, for now, it works. Yes, sugar will be dealt with…with all the upcoming holidays. But I choose to tell my son that sugar sucks ass during the winter. Pies, I’m sorry, are nothing but homemade love and not comparable to halloween crappy candy. So we have a long haul ahead of us.
I’m interested in what works. In theory, everything sucks.
You bring up wonderful points that truly make me think.
Jamie says
Preach it sister Bri!
Yup. That’s it in a nutshell for me.
Mom says
I assumed that you (and your brothers) were internally cued eaters, who wouldn’t eat anything, especially sweets, just because they were there. You would eat them when you really felt like it, and only the really good ones at that.
I must have been incredibly lucky, because no one ever abused this trust. In fact I clearly remember tossing out bags of uneaten candy with your knowledge and permission after Halloween was long gone.
I have to think that anything forbidden or tightly monitored becomes more desirable and therefore subject to abuse. But again I say, blind luck must have played a part.
bettina elias siegel says
My mom is in the house! 🙂
Jamie says
So cool (I was gonna say f-ing cool…but it’s your MOM)!!!!
bettina elias siegel says
Yes, gotta keep it clean when my mom is around. You know how out of hand things get here on TLT. 🙂
Renee says
I think it’s a backfire waiting to happen when you do all the regulating of your kids food. I’ve even known adults who had this happen, and then couldn’t self-regulate when they became adults. Are you going to control your kids consumption of candy/sugar all their lives?
This is only anecdotal, so maybe it doesn’t mean anything, but candy and sweets have always been available to my daughter (who is now 10), and she self-regulates really well. We always throw out most of the Halloween candy, because she loses interest in it. It’s not forbidden, so it’s just not that big a deal.
I think we all want our kids to become adults who make good decisions, but we all need to learn things the hard way in some situations –whether that’s puking after too much candy, or getting caught cheating on a test. Decisions carry consequences, and sometimes we have to experience those consequences to really understand. How can our kids become responsible adults if we control everything?
Also, sometimes I just think parents nowadays (including myself) stress way too much about these things. Are all of us permanently damaged because our parents weren’t all that concerned about our Halloween candy or sugar consumption? I just don’t see it.
Viki says
Cool Your MOM!
Love it!
What I found most Joyful about her comment was the Trust she had that you and your brothers would do the right thing.
Lets think about that for a moment.
The Trust & EXPECTATION and Yes wonder of wonders It Works!
Great parenting. Works for more than just sugar.
Yes we in the USA eat too much sugar.
I don’t let HFCS pass my lips, but my teen still gets a coke once or twice a month. (Maybe more, I’m not with her 24/7) She has to make up her own mind now, I can’t control every thing she puts in her mouth. In fact, I never could, I could place food in front of her, but she wouldn’t nec. eat it and if I nixed sweets completely, that would just make them seem all the more compelling.
Like Eve and that Forbidden apple.
Oh and Jamie I agree with Homemade pies = LOVE. I wish I could have one of my grandma’s pies again.
My kids would take one taste of “crappy” candy and spit it out at a very young age..
Of course we had to cull over half of the candy and most of the “good stuff” because of peanut allergies. Now most of that stuff tastes like “crappy” candy too.
Give me a good dark chocolate.
DD, gives out candy at the door, usually dressed up. We buy her a few pieces of Good candy that she really likes and she is happy. Of course she is too old to Trick or treat being 16.
Donna says
First of all, anyone who gets Whoppers knows to hand them over to me immediately! The rest of the candy can be sorted and traded and eaten until exhaustion overcomes the sugar rush. On Nov. 1, it’s back to moderation.
bettina elias siegel says
Me too with the Whoppers! Another thing on which we are in sync. . .
🙂
Jamie says
I’m a Reese’s whore myself. But Whoppers are a close second. Just had one from LAST YEAR and gotta tell you: nasty. don’t do it. FYI.
Dana Woldow says
Me too re Reese’s – but my kids love them too and after a while they didn’t want to give all of their Reese’s to me. Maybe I got one or two, but that’s all.
But guess what I discovered? When the kids ring your doorbell on Halloween, before you give out the candy, take a quick look in their treat buckets. If you see Reese’s there, say, “I will trade you three Tootsie Roll Pops” (or whatever you are giving out) “for every Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup you have.” It’s amazing – nearly every kid will happily turn over their Reese’s to you, because they are so enthralled with the idea of handing over one candy and getting 3 back in exchange.
bettina elias siegel says
Fiendishly clever! What’s the going price for Whoppers, I wonder?
bettina elias siegel says
OMG – I’ve done that, too! And you find that the entire crispy inside of the Whopper has collapsed upon itself into a horrible lump. NOT good. – B
Karen says
Someone in my house is a hoarder (heading straight for reality TV, LOL!). She has a candy drawer in her room. I’m certain that she doesn’t eat much of it, but that fact that she OWNS that candy is very, very satisfying to her. The other child, who is NOT a hoarder, has eaten candy to the point of feeling sick, so I trust that she will do some self-regulating.
I have no idea what we’ll do this year (we have no established rules), but in general we all enjoy the candy the night of, and for a couple of days later, and then we forget about it. Some of us do, anyway. Some others are hoarders. 😉
Christina @ Spoonfed says
I think there’s a big difference between *controlling* what your kids eat and *educating* them about food choices.
Banning candy or making it seem like forbidden fruit is counterproductive. But so is allowing kids to eat it with abandon. We don’t let our kids run around in the street or play with knives. No, we talk to them about why certain situations are potentially dangerous, and give them the knowledge and tools to make smart decisions themselves, especially when we’re not around. The same thing should apply to food.
I think we also need to realize that the food culture in this country is a lot different from when we were kids. People like to talk about how they ate candy and McDonald’s and soda and, look, they turned out just fine. So did I. But these days our kids are exposed to candy and processed crap all the time. It’s not just Halloween or the occasional birthday party. And it’s not just sugar (which is actually pretty awful for you beyond small amounts). It’s trans fats and HFCS and food dyes and all manner of preservatives/other additives that make food not really food. Not only has food culture changed, but the food itself has changed.
I’m totally on board with sweets as celebratory items. Or even occasional everyday items. (Though I happen to think that even those sweets should be of a certain quality.) And I think it’s downright silly that people who gladly eat and feed their kids sugary granola bars and Gatorade get all worked up about Halloween candy. (Hello — it’s all the same thing!) But I also think we have a responsibility as parents to teach kids what’s in their food and how to make choices that support a healthy relationship with food.
BTW, I saw Satter’s Halloween advice awhile ago and thought it was batty. But, then, she and I disagree on a lot of things, so that’s not terribly surprising. 😉
bettina elias siegel says
Christina — Just have to get in a word about Satter here. There are things she advocates that I disagree with, too, but I do think her central message about control and pressure is one worth considering and that’s why I’ve cited her often here (and have had her comment on TLT as well). Even though sometimes I feel like her no-pressure mantra goes to the opposite extreme, maybe that’s needed to counteract the good intentions of some very hovering parents out there. E.g., I don’t think of myself as exerting pressure on my kids, but she’s made me look harder and see that even some seemingly innocuous comments I make at the dinner table (raving about some vegetable, e.g.) are, in fact, totally motivated by a desire to control. – Bettina
NotCinderell says
But isn’t Satter’s message completely contradictory to Pollan’s message that culture is a self-regulating tool and that in the absence of a strong culture, we need to do more regulating? No French person would allow their kid to go at a huge bag of candy. I feel certain of that.
Furthermore, I think the idea of letting kids go nuts on candy one night and then taking it away from them for the rest of the time could set up a situation where a kid assumes that if they don’t go crazy on the stuff now, it’ll be gone soon and they won’t get any. That’s a bad scenario, prompting the sort of eating behavior that causes people to eat when not hungry out of an unconscious fear that their food will be taken away.
Christina @ Spoonfed says
I’ve been meaning to write a post about this for awhile, so I’ll have to save my full explanation for that. But one of my problems with Satter is that any discussion of food is seen as pressure or control, and I happen to think there’s nothing wrong (and indeed a lot right) with talking to your kids about food.
bettina elias siegel says
I suspect Ellyn Satter would say it’s a matter of intent. If you’re talking up some food in part because you’re pushing a child to eat it, that’s different from a genuine sharing of information. But I look forward to your post.
skreader says
Kids are now 12 & 14.
Last year we tried to get them to pool it all for the big bowl (which the whole family would dip into in the week(s) following Halloween). This was previously the family tradition. But the younger one refused to part w/ all of it. Kept the stash in his wardrobe (nibbling away at it) for a long time (maybe a month?) until we removed it because of fear of vermin.
So, it’s mostly self-regulation and we don’t worry much about it.
NotCinderell says
I should make one more comment in favor of giving out the Halloween candy over time and in small portions. I was talking to my mother about what I do, and how it’s the same thing that she does, and she said that this is how she was raised in the 1950s by her mother as well. When I hear so much about how our food culture changes radically from one generation to the next, it’s hard not to have respect for something that’s stayed the same for three generations.
Leigha says
Are you kidding me? I wonder if she has this philosophy with alcohol and drugs too?! HFCS, artificial dyes etc are toxic and do harm for days not to mention lowering their immunity…
“Halloween candy presents a learning opportunity. Work toward having your child be able to manage his own stash. For him to learn, you will have to keep your interference to a minimum. When he comes home from trick or treating, let him lay out his booty, gloat over it, sort it and eat as much of it as he wants. Let him do the same the next day. Then have him put it away and relegate it to meal- and snack-time: a couple of small pieces at meals for dessert and as much as he wants for snack time.”
Sarah says
I think NotCinderell has hit on an important point regarding candy bingeing. If we allow our kids to binge, we set up the mindset that bingeing is a “treat.” This is something I have struggled with, even now as a 31 year old adult. I don’t mean bingeing as an eating disorder, but rather stuffing yourself until you start feeling sick (which, as you might know, means that you have another several hours of feeling like crap to endure).
I try to teach my children that we indulge in moderation, not because we HAVE to, but because we love and respect our bodies. Self-control is not a bad thing – it gives us the best of both worlds. We get to enjoy good tastes on our tongues, and still feel good afterward. Feeling bloated and nauseous is not celebratory.
Momnivore says
This whole topic rips me apart this time of the year. We’ve taken different approaches–keeping it, donating to the Great Pumpkin Fairy, etc–and frankly, my 10 year daughter still stashes the shit everywhere and is still munching out in private 11 months and 28 days later. And that was her tiny stash she was allowed to keep of the 20 or so pounds she collected. Yes, she gets to eat dessert–mostly homemade but plenty of crap too–but it worries me so much that she is hiding this from me. Nutrition aside, I can’t help wondering when she’ll start hiding the pot, the birth control pills etc. The deception worries more me more than the sugar content. So I wrestle with regulating the booty vs letting her self regulate (which in her case is several pieces of candy a day 365 days a year.)
Bettina Elias Siegel says
Momnivore – sorry for the delay in responding. I wanted to tell you that your comment really resonated with me because one of my two children (I won’t say which) really matches the description of your daughter. Despite being pretty easy going (at least for someone doing what I do) about sweets, I feel this child has a hoarding mentality no matter what I do, and very little innate self-regulation. I saw the latter trait from an early age, well before my parental influence could have had much effect. It’s that child who has kept me in prior years from adopting my mom’s freewheeling approach, one I agree with in principle. I’m curious (and worried) to see what will happen if I open the floodgates entirely. Thank you for this frank and thought-provoking comment.
stef says
In the past, when we get home…the kids have sorted their treats. They like to graph them. I think my older one did this in Kinder in class with Skittles and then continued the process…how many m&m’s, how many nerds, etc. Then they separate the loot into things they like and things they don’t like. Trades occur including allergic daughter… Anything clearly in the don’t like pile goes to work…where it is gone by the end of the day. Kids eat a few pieces the night of Halloween…and about a piece a day for awhile after…then they are onto the next thing. I try to encourage them to give up more of the candy to go to work with me if it isn’t their favorites….so it is “fresh” when it is taken to work. Otherwise, if the candy isn’t fresh, we throw it away. For a few years, we saved the candy and used it for gingerbread house making.