[Ed. Note: Two Halloween posts on tap today. First, let’s talk about what to give out, and then later today we’ll talk about what to do with the haul your kids bring home.]
In one of my very first posts on this blog (“Outing Myself”), I confessed to being a big fat hypocrite.
I described how I was standing in the school hallway with a friend, mocking those who had fought in the Texas legislature to keep our schools “birthday cupcake safe,” but at that precise moment my own child was bringing donuts to class for his birthday. I just couldn’t stand being the mom who insisted on sending in bran muffins or fruit after my child had been eating everyone else’s treats all year.
Now, if I had to do it again, I definitely wouldn’t cave in to the pressure. If nothing else, writing this blog has forced me to sharpen my thoughts about where I stand, and I can guarantee you that next year it’s non-food birthday treats all the way. So you’d think that this Halloween I would be giving out pretzels or raisins or toys, but in fact we have all the the usual stuff ready to go – Reese’s, Tootsie Pops and Snickers.
Why the inconsistency? I guess there are a few reasons.
First, my kids absolutely love going to the store every year to pick out the candy they want to give away. They spend what seems like hours searching for just the right bag with just the right mix of stuff, and then we come home and sample one or two before putting it all away for Halloween. The whole ritual gives them such pleasure that I don’t want to deprive them of it. (They would also be very unhappy to be associated with the one house in the neighborhood not giving away candy.) Second, unlike the case with birthday cupcakes, where a child is captive in the classroom and away from parental oversight (see this post, where I liken birthday cupcakes to second-hand smoke), the candy I throw into a trick-or-treat sack goes home, where a child’s parents can intervene if they so choose. Third, there’s just a certain sense of hopelessness: on a holiday like Halloween, the candy deluge is so overwhelming that I feel like my one little bag of pretzels is never going to make a difference to anyone. And finally, I can’t help but think — oh, please, it’s Halloween, people! Let the kids have their candy.
So, what do you think? Am I still a big, fat hypocrite?
Share your thoughts, and tell me what you give out on Halloween in the poll below. Also be sure to check out Christina’s post on her excellent blog, Spoonfed, about Halloween candy — giving and getting. She’s clearly standing by her principles and puts this squishy mom to shame.
Kathie says
I give out those glow stick bracelets every year. So far we haven’t had our pumpkins smashed or had TP added to our trees. My kids think they’re cool and a lot of the kids who come to the door get excited to choose their color. Maybe I’m delusional, but I think it’s OK?
Bri says
I can’t help but think that occasionally, like on Halloween, living by your principles can include some food items that are purely bad for you. If your principles include teaching moderation and assessing real-world food choices, then sometimes — whether you like it or not — Reese’s are going to be a part of that reality. Might as well be a part of the fun, so your kids know what to do when faced with temptation when you’re NOT around.
anthony says
sugar is an addictive substance. there is a fair amount of literature about this, and here is an article in the huffington post about sugar addiction that is both funny and scary: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-rubaumkeller-/is-sugar-addictive_b_217115.html.
once kids get introduced to sugar, a huge majority of them are “hooked”. halloween is like an open bar for alcoholics. in the substance dependence intervention universe, there are smart times to intervene and there are not so smart times to intervene. halloween just doesn’t seem like a smart time to intervene. expectations are very high; the physiology of addiction is running on overdrive; and you have the added nuance that this is an addiction that was created for children by their parents in the first place (children would not know candy if adults did not introduce them to it). so for parents to withhold the goods at the moment when the goods are supposed to be the most available seems most cruel. kids will experience it as a failure of the system adults have put in place for them.
seems to me there are smarter times to intervene–like any time that isn’t halloween.
Jamie says
So many thoughts at one time….eeekkk!
Okay. First off, I think Halloween should be a federal holiday, so perhaps my perspective is skewed.
That being said, since the beginning of time, we humans have altered our consciousness in some form or another (wine, sugar…spinning around till we puke). Since Bacchanalian times, we’ve over-indulged to celebrate.
I view Halloween as a celebration (I’m deeply entrenched in Day of the Dead traditions as well). Go hog wild.
Be the person on your block who gave “good” candy. (you know what I mean by good and I ain’t talking smarties or pretzels).
Why not?
I like what Bri said about teaching moderation. Part of teaching moderation is learning what happens when we over-indulge (can you say “hangover”).
So my short answer: I don’t think you’re being a hypocrite. But I also think: what’s Halloween mean to you? To me, it’s special and a celebration. If for you, it simply means caving to the “norm”, then don’t.
Can’t we ALL let down our guard for one day? And celebrate?
I’ll wait to post about what to do about said “good” candy when it’s time.
Viki says
I really Love Halloween! It isn’t about the candy, it is about the atmosphere, the feeling of running in the leaves in the dark, the smell of pumpkins with candles in them…the cold air. the dressing up, the pretending, the history, the movies and stories leading up to the celebration.
Reading “The Halloween Tree” one more time.
I do think both Bri and Jamie have some great ideas too…Learning ideas for your kids.
Check out The Halloween Tree…I found the movie at Walgreens a few years ago for $2. It goes over the history of all the spooky stuff like the Day of the Dead, mummies, witches and monsters…all in a story format for kids…the book is by Ray Bradbury.
bettina elias siegel says
I’m sorry this is so off topic, but I just have to say, Viki, that here in Houston it is still in the 90’s. Yes, that’s right. The 90’s. Soon after moving here from the Northeast, I learned the hard way that if you carve your pumpkin in early October, you’ll have pumpkin pie filling (and a lot of fruit flies) on your doorstep within three days. So your description of cold air and leaves is making me very, very sad.
Viki says
Well Bettina, I live in KY. and it has been hot this Fall. Today was around 70. We have had a few frosts…usually it is cold and rainy on Halloween. I can remember snow sometimes too.
Yesterday was a tornado scare. 4 preschool teachers and 2 parents and 20+ kids including 4 toddlers in a small boys bathroom singing Halloween songs for 45 minutes while the siren wailed, until the all clear came across the radio. (the rest of the school were in the other bathrooms, private preschool)
We haven’t carved the pumpkin yet.
NotCinderell says
I live in a neighborhood with a lot of trick-or-treaters, and I have two that are trick-or-treating this year. I’m of the opinion that there’s no point in doing Halloween at all unless you get really good candy, so I’m all about the Hershey, Mars, and Nestle fun-sized bars. I procure mad amounts of them at scandalously low prices (I work the whole sales + coupons + extra bucks angle. This year I got 12 ten-ounce bags of Mars and Hershey’s candies for $1 a bag). Most of it is gone by the end of the night. My preschooler and toddler will probably go to a total of 10-15 houses this year (we really can’t handle more) and their meager stashes will be added to our leftovers.
Candy is not poison. Everything in moderation. Learning how to eat moderately begins with actually having access to the thing you want to moderate.
The main problem I have with birthday cupcakes is that they’re given on days that a parent may have not known that there were cupcakes on offer and already packed a treat in their child’s lunch. One treat after lunch isn’t a big deal. One treat plus one cupcake is a problem. Similarly, a bowl of candy bars isn’t a problem if they’re doled out one at a time, each one as an after-meal treat.
Stephanie says
We have a million trick or treaters in our neighborhood – even if it is 90 degrees outside! 🙂
Each year I go through about 12 of those crazy giant bags of candy – really! and it is gone in 2 hours handing out only one or 2 at a time.
My daughter loves Halloween, dressing up, seeing friends, etc. She usually goes around the block, comes home, hangs out then hits the second block. By 8 we are done, the lights are out, the candy is gone and she is in the bath! She usually dumps the candy to see what it is, eats a couple and then it goes to the candy drawer (yes, Bettina, you have a candy basket, and I have a candy drawer.) Surprisingly, the candy in the candy drawer holds candy for a really long time – I throw away more candy than she actually consumes (because it is old, not because I am mean!)
But if I put a cake in front of her with a fork – it would disappear. See cake is not always available, the candy drawer is! So, she self-regulates. (I am talking that 2 days ago, she opened the drawer to find unopened easter candy and christmas candy from last year!!)
I do not know if its availability is the reason she self-regulates, but I can tell you that the opposite was my childhood. No candy save some M&Ms now and then and some nasty carob chip and flax seed cookies that my mom would try to pass off as chocolate chip! The neighbors had a bowl of candy on their coffeetable, I would sit on the floor and watch TV and eat the WHOLE BOWL!! I have zero will power over candy! That stupid drawer is always calling my name, although I resist as much as possible…
Renee says
Like Stephanie above, my daughter self-regulates too, as candy is always available, along with education about healthy eating and balance. And also like Stephanie, candy was restricted in the home I grew up in (partly for financial reasons), and I don’t self-regulate very well. 🙂
I’d like to put in a plug here for some peanut/tree-nut free candy to be given out on Halloween. Because of my daughter’s allergy, she can’t even eat a lot of the candy she collects. I always appreciate it when people offer up a selection and some choices do not have any possibility of nuts. Give the prevalence of this allergy, you all probably have at least one allergic kid stopping by your house. Just a thought while you’re out candy shopping. 🙂
Viki says
Yea Renee! Good Idea.
We would go through the girls bags to cull the peanut candy every year and their bags would be very light afterward. Unfortunately, most candy seems to be labled “made on a peanut line” to cover the candy company in case of cross contamination.
What would you like to see your child bring home this year?
I heard of one artist friend who shopped the back to school after sales and picked up boxes of 24 count crayons for 20 cents each and bought out the store and gave them out last year. Even the middle schoolers seemed to think it was cool. Which I found strange. I gave out belly button tattoos one year and didn’t get egged.
Renee says
First, I think Kathie’s glow sticks idea is a fun one, and the crayons and tatoos –I know my daughter enjoys those sorts of things.
Smarties are a good nut-free candy, and the company that makes tootsie rolls (also makes Andes mints –yum!) doesn’t make anything with nuts, so their stuff is safe. That includes milk-duds, I think . . . it’s been a while since I called that company, so now I’m not sure. At the time, they sent me a list of everything they make, since their name isn’t as prominent as Hershey’s. (It frustrates me that the snack size Hershey’s chocolate bars have a nut warning, when the regular size ones don’t. ) Something else she enjoys getting are sugar-free gum and little packages of mints –Tic-Tacs, Altoids, etc. And snack size chips, like Doritos.
Lenée says
I love Halloween! We always have such a great time decorating the porch with black lights, strobe lights, “burning cauldrons”, dead bodies, animatronic bats, giant spiders and webs, Spooky Sound Effects DVD–Twisted Edition (!) playing on a loop, fog machine, and the grave stones that transform the lawn into a spooky cemetery.
This year we had the added bonus of my mom dressed as a VERY scary mummy. She sat very still, operated the remote control of the “Fart Machine” we had attached to the shrunken head on a stick, and if the kids made it that far she would reach out for them as they approached or right after they got their candy. She found it best to wait till they got their candy because she was scaring too many away if she moved too soon!
I do give out lots of “good” candy on Halloween, but I find the kids come to our house for the experience (the ‘Tricks’) rather than the candy. I could probably give out carrots and they would still come to see “The Porch” this year.
I like NotCinderell’s statement—“Candy is not poison. Everything in moderation. Learning how to eat moderately begins with actually having access to the thing you want to moderate.”
It touches on the concept many others here mention regarding self-regulating, something my kids have always done. I’ve always been one to have lot’s of things available in the house and to not make any foods the “forbidden fruit” or “taboo.” They tend to make more well-rounded choices and never gorge themselves as I’ve seen some of our little visitors do when their “forbidden fruit” is offered.
For those who pass out the glow stick, crayons, temp tattoos–GREAT IDEA! When my kids were little we used to get a huge group (15-20 kids) together to trick-or-treat and one of the first places they wanted to go was the “Whistle Lady’s House.” They all remembered the sweet woman who would dress up and come out on the porch with a huge bowl of trinket toys for the kids to choose from. She was always so patient, letting the kids take their time, digging around for the perfect toy–the whistles being the most popular. The next place they wanted to go? The “haunted house.” They really didn’t care what they got there, as long as they were sufficiently frightened. I think most of them forgot to collect their candy the year the chainsaw (sans chain) was added as part of the spooky effects. Hmmmm….I wonder if we should add a chainsaw to our spookfest next year………?