My son asked me if I’d come talk to his third grade class about Hanukkah tomorrow. I was actually surprised he asked — we’re rapidly approaching the age when my very existence must not be acknowledged in front of peers — so this afternoon I went to my files to dust off my little outline about the Maccabees, Antiochus, et al.
When I’ve given this talk in my kids’ classes in the past, it’s always been accompanied by some sort of Hanukkah treat. One year, another mom and I brought hot latkes and applesauce, and other times I’ve brought baggies containing a dreidel, chocolate gelt and instructions on how to play the game. This year, though, after somehow becoming the public face of the Anti-Birthday-Cupcake movement (here, here, here and here!), I see that bringing any food treats at all would, of course, be the height of hypocrisy.
But do you know what? It feels just . . . weird . . . to do this presentation without accompanying food. Maybe it’s an inherently Jewish thing; to paraphrase the writer Shalom Auslander, most Jewish holidays can be reduced to: “The tried to kill us. They failed. Let’s eat.” Or maybe it’s that syndrome we’ve talked about on TLT quite a bit, which is that each parent (rightly) feels that their one little, innocuous treat can’t do any harm, but no one is looking at the big picture.
Even as I fall into that same pattern of faulty thinking, I remind myself of just last week, when my son came home stuffed with sugary treats from not one, but two, birthdays in his class (cookies for one child, then cupcakes for another). Worse, these birthdays happened to fall on Friday, which is when our family celebrates Shabbat with, among other things, a nice dessert after dinner. And lately, my kids and I also have a semi-regular tradition of getting a fruit smoothie on Fridays after school. But cookies plus cupcakes plus smoothies plus Shabbat dessert = way too much sugar for one kid in one day, and I was, frankly, resentful of those two well-meaning parents who had brought food to school.
So with that in mind, I’m putting my gelt where my mouth is. No chocolate coins this year — just the dreidels will have to do. I feel a little like Scrooge (to mix the holiday metaphors), but I know what I’m doing is right.
Right?
NotCinderell says
If you feel like you’re being skimpy, bring stickers or fancy pencils or something as Chanukah presents.
bettina elias siegel says
Good idea to round out the goodie bag. Thanks!
Dana Woldow says
Well, good for you for sticking to your guns, but prepare to be furious when your child comes home on the last day before the winter break vibrating like a tuning fork from all of the “holiday” (read “Christmas”) treats that well meaning parents send for the traditional pre-break party that happens in virtually every public school classroom on the last school day of the calendar year.
Dana Woldow says
If it isn’t already too late, you might try to stop by one of those party stores and pick up a bag of cheap plastic gold coins (no candy inside) or even just use a bag of dried beans, to give out with the dreidels. Playing dreidel loses much of its meaning if you don’t have anything to bet with! And believe me, the non Jewish kids who don’t know that the coins are SUPPOSED to have chocolate inside will still enjoy the game just as much.
bettina elias siegel says
Ah, great idea, Dana. I’m on it this afternoon.
June says
I say, Gelt, Gelt, Gelt. Teach those kids to gamble for chocolate . Two vices for the price of one. (“sorry, couldn’t resist,” says me who has eaten a Hanukkah jelly doughnut every chance I could as well as my kids’ gelt bags – forcing me to run to the store and buy more.)
bettina elias siegel says
You are BAD, June! 🙂
Mary says
You’re doing the difficult thing – being consistent, when giving in to your convictions would be so much easier. I can relate – having blogged about this recently on the Mindful Girl Blog. http://mindfullivingnj.com/archives/1686 Whether being consistent means using alternative therapies to treat illness or passing on the opportunity to give out a “treat” at a child’s school – the support from your community – both real and virtual – may go a long way to helping you be successful at it and reveling in it.
Bravo to you and let the “gelt” and guilt go.
bettina elias siegel says
Gelt Guilt! I love it. 🙂 Thanks for the words of support.
Stinky says
I totally understand your dilema! And let me just say…thank you – you rock! As the mom of a peanut allergic 2nd grader…I feel your pain. They even offer to let me (and only me) bake for the parties…and boy do I want to! Here’s the deal…if you want to feed people/kids…have a party, invite them over, but leave food OUT of SCHOOL!
Em says
I understand what you’re saying, Bettina, and absolutely respect that you’ve stuck to your guns, but, well, latkes and apple sauce are hardly in the same category as cupcakes. Plus I think it’s lovely to show kids that fruits and vegetables can be treats, too. (Though, of course, I also recognize that latkes for an entire class would be a heck of a lot of work.)
bettina elias siegel says
I know what you mean, Em, but see the comments here from parents of food-allergic kids. To them, food-free is the only way.
Em says
Yes, that part I do understand, but I hate the thought of losing those events where kids bring in favorite food items from their cultures and that sort of thing.
bettina elias siegel says
Em: That’s the part that makes me sad, too, particularly at my kids’ school which has representation from over 40 countries. The good news is that we have a blow-out International Festival every fall that’s nothing but food, food, food. My husband and I live for it every year! 🙂 – Bettina
Katherine says
You’re fighting the good fight. Perhaps you didn’t know it, but in the years your brought gelt there were probably several children who went home to turn it into their parents who then had the unenviable job of telling the child he/she couldn’t have it.
I know they’re not traditional, but really wouldn’t just about any trinket do for betting? Beads, marbles? The beans someone above mentioned?
Hope you have a lovely day in the classroom and that, when you’re done, you and the children all still feel you’ve had a nice treat.
bettina elias siegel says
Just an update to all were nice enough to comment here — I took everyone’s suggestions and made favor bags with a Hanukkah pencil, dreidel stickers, a wooden dreidel and instructions on how to play. (Couldn’t find the non-chocolate gold coins, Dana — I guess those don’t show up until Mardis Gras!). The “treats” actually look quite festive and, as EBrady noted here, I think the urge to feed is really mine, and not coming from the kids. But we’ll see later today if anyone asks, Hey, where are those chocolate coins?
bettina elias siegel says
Nope — they were just happy with what they got. Lesson learned.
EBrady says
Being consistent on this does get easier. And to those who don’t quite see why the need for FOOD FREE vs. more “nutritional” fare (choc coins vs latkes), there are at least two critical reasons for FOOD FREE:
1. No parent or staff member has permission from the other parents (each and every!) to feed those other children at school.
2. There is ALWAYS the risk of a yet-undiagnosed (or undisclosed) life-threatening food allergy or other significant dietary need/restriction in that class population. The liability to the “feeding” adult is huge. The risk to the other children is real. And how will it be emotionally for that class of kids when one of their fellow classmates is taken ill or otherwise harmed by the food in an attempt to “celebrate” or “educate”?
Thank you, Bettina.
I’ve always maintained that the “need to feed” is the adults’. And if the adults can “get over it” the kids will all be healthier and safer.
~e
Renee says
As a another parent who has a child with a life-threatening allergy, I’m all for Food-Free school events! My daughter has a band concert Thursday evening, and all the beginners are required to bring a plate of cookies. So, the only cookies my daughter will be able to eat are the ones we bring.
I’m tempted to bring a veggie tray, but I don’t think that would make my daughter very happy.
Carolyn says
As a teacher, I would rise up and call you blessed for not bringing cupcakes into the classroom. I have had parents drop off a cake w/ plates & forks and expect me to cut and serve it. Seriously? Suddenly *I’m* throwing your birthday party? When mine were younger, the was a little less talk about the sugar in my circles, and my younger one didn’t really like cake, so we had settled on store-bought Rice Krispie treats (homemade items not allowed at school) and Capri Suns. I know, way high sugar content, I was trying to avoid cake crumbs) Anyhow, I don’t mind passing out a pencil and cute eraser from the dollar store and singing to the student. (And if you sharpen the pencil, I will be your fan forever)
Bettina Elias Siegel says
So glad to get support from a teacher! And I’ve heard on the grapevine that teachers actually hate the whole food-in-class thing for just the reason you describe – taking time away from teaching! Thanks for your comment on TLT.